I don’t want to be with; I just want to be. Don’t try to understand that. Nobody ever has and I don’t think anyone ever will.
Part of the reason might be because of Luke. Luke was my world (if I may use those annoying clichés). Everything was fine until his parents split up. Of course he was torn apart by it. His mother gave him Crystal Meth to numb the pain. Granted, he got addicted to the drug; if he didn’t get it, he’d get swallowed into a hole, and yeah, being the devoted friend that I was, I got dragged down with him.
You probably don’t want to hear about old boyfriends so let me get to the point;
There are too many mystifying levels of bullshit with these things and frankly, I can’t take any more crap.
Once, that’s the limit. Okay, maybe twice but that’s a story fort another day. I do not want to bore you with the gory details of another ex and I mean that in every sense of the word.
I’m not quite sure whet the other part is. Maybe there is no other part. Maybe I don’t want to blame Luke and Nathan completely.
I have put every possible argument into consideration and even if I was to be with, sooner or later we are going to get tired if not utterly disgusted with each other. Let me save us the trouble so that we don’t have to deal with the inevitable end.
I am sorry that this is not the whole hearted response you may have been expecting. I don’t think I will be able to give you that response in the near future.
Give it time. They say time heals old wounds, they say. I’m not really sure who ‘they’ are but whoever they are also said that the first cut is the deepest. That is not quite the case for me. The cuts just keep getting deeper. I’m only human and when you cut me I bleed. Once bitten, twice shy I suppose.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was an okay piece of writing.
I agree with the others.
This is less of a story and more of a summary and/or prelude to a story. You've got me interested, but there's nothing to be interested in, for the story is nonexistent. At least in a place where it is available to be read by others.
I love your first line. Love it.
The only "critique-ish" things going through my mind were the same as Snoink--include more background on the exes. I'm interested in what the actual story is. You've captured all the emotions of the MC brilliantly, I was just wondering what exactly the MC was referring to.
I give this a gold star.
Most definitely.
And sorry for not having anything besides what the other reviewer said.
I don't know how personal this is to you, so first of all, forgive me for the critique. I don't want to be mean to you... I just want to help improve your writing.
With that said, I think you're missing out on a huge opportunity to make this really awesome. Like I said, I don't know how personal this is to you. It seems remarkably personal, and that's why it seems like you're shying away from the juicy details of what these exes have done to the narrator to t he story. But that's what piques my interest. You have a very real, curt style which I love. You've sucked me into the story. Now you have to tell the story. So don't worry too much about rambling about the exes... that's perfectly fine. In fact, that's more than fine. Just don't skimp on any detail. You're too good of a writer for that.